Sunday, April 26, 2009

I just heard this term and needed to learn more…

I don’t know what rock I have been living under –but somehow just this week I saw the word frenemy on someone’s Facebook and I thought I must learn more.

Most often I am trying to look on the sunny side or be positive. I like to lift up not tear down.But I live in this imperfect world (for this time right now anyway) and I am a grown up -or at least I try to act like it most of the time. I realize and have experienced that everyone is not nice and everyone is not going to like me. I will even have people in my life from time to time who profess to be my friend when in reality they do not have my best interest at heart or even wish good for me. I found myself faced with this recently and I found this article to be helpful.

How to Deal with a Frenemy

By cadence, eHow Member

She looks nice, but is she a friend or frenemy? She looks nice, but is she a friend or frenemy? Dealing with a frenemy can be tough. A frenemy, which comes from the words friend and enemy, is a person who are you friendly with but does not have your best interests in mind. It's okay to maintain relationships with frenemies, but it's also important to preserve your own interests and needs when dealing with them.

Step 1-Be cordial. There's no reason to be mean. There is no problem keeping a frenemy as an acquaintance, as long as you aren't revealing secrets about yourself to your frenemy.

Step2 -A frenemy is likely talking about you behind your back. Because of this, be very quiet about anything personal. Keep conversation to fun, lighthearted topics, and do not share anything that you do not want repeated.

Step3 -Be aware about how frenemies act. Sometime they may act like your best friend, and other times, someone who doesn't like you at all. Be aware of your frenemy's actions, but don't fall into their traps. You should not treat a frenemy like a best friend when they treat you like one, because that will encourage frenemy-like behavior.

Step4-Try not to be hurt by things your frenemy says and does. The frenemy has their own motives for why they act the way they do. Do not let your frenemy affect your own self esteem,  because their actions are a reflection of themselves, not a reflection of you. If they say hurtful things, it may be to cover up their own feelings.

Step5-Be aware that just because someone is a frenemy to you, they may not be a frenemy to everyone. Do not automatically assume that this person is betraying others, but if they are, you should probably let the others know so they do not get hurt.

Step6-Do not introduce your frenemies to your real friends. It's important to keep them separate, if possible, so your frenemy does not hurt your friends and does not try to talk to your friends about you.

I found a lot of this to be helpful advice. I also looked at my guidebook and realized the good things about friends is where my heart longs to dwell.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity

I am so thankful to have true friends.I have been blessed.100_6279

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Ecclesiastes 4:10
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!012

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Proverbs 22:11
He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.

 

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I am thankful that my best friend always has my best interest at heart and is ALWAYS interceding on my behalf .

I have found a friend in Jesus, He’s everything to me,
He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul;
The Lily of the Valley, in Him alone I see
All I need to cleanse and make me fully whole.
In sorrow He’s my comfort, in trouble He’s my stay;
He tells me every care on Him to roll.

So yes, I may have a frenemy or two who comes into my life. It may hurt and cause temporary distress. I will try to choose love for my part- I will definitely have boundaries for this is healthy. I will count it all joy –James1:2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Hug your friends today!

Be blessed!

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8 comments:

Mike Golch said...

great photos.

Pam D said...

Lorie, I read this earlier and had to chew on it for a while. That is such a descriptive term; I DO have frenemies, but I never really thought of them that way. Having a NAME for who and what they are helps me a lot. And I liked the rules of engagement; they help to clarify how to treat these "backbiters" (as I've always called them). Very informative; thank you for sharing some helpful info!

BamaPrincess said...

i love you, mom. I, too, have frenemies. As you know, I've been dealing a lot with that lately. I really needed to see this and I am going to paste it on my fb for everyone, as well. I love you and miss you.

Lulu

Juju said...

Oh, I am the one that is blessed girly (???monkey!!!). Interesting post.

Maree said...

~Hugs~ I've had so many frenemies in my life..is there such a thing as sistaemies too? Had two of those!! ;-)

I try to live this bible verse...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Philippians 4:8

I learned I can only change me...still working on that!

Thanks for this post!

Debbie said...

Have I told you lately how blessed I am just knowing you?? I ask God several times a week for just a small portion of what I see in you to shine through in me. Just wanted to say I love you and I’m glad you’re my friend.

Reva said...

Thanks for enlightening me. I think I've heard that term and figured it was a combination term but didn't know exactly what they were getting at until now.
Aren't real friends great? Much better than frenenemies, or is it frenemies, or is it..oh well, thanks for sharing

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

This was completely interesting! And I loved the pictures of you and your friends :)